17th of June 2025 By Catherine Teale MBACP Registered Counsellor
Anybody who has suffered with depression will know just how difficult it is to pull yourself out of it. The struggle is often an overwhelming one, where the simple act of getting out of bed can feel like climbing a steep mountain. Suddenly, it isn't that easy to feel happy or to engage in the activities that once brought joy and fulfillment. Hobbies that used to spark excitement may now seem dull and uninviting, and social interactions can become daunting tasks rather than enjoyable experiences. It’s not easy to ‘just snap out of it’ or ‘cheer up,’ as these phrases often oversimplify a complex mental health condition that requires understanding and compassion.  I have also had clients question if they are depressed, sometimes not being aware that they are unwell and experiencing the symptoms of depression. This lack of awareness can be particularly troubling, as individuals may attribute their feelings of sadness or fatigue to stress, burnout, or other life circumstances, failing to recognize the deeper issue at play. Depression can manifest in various forms, such as persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, changes in appetite, and sleep disturbances, yet many people may not connect these symptoms to depression itself. Furthermore, depression can creep up over time, often starting with subtle feelings of unease or discontent that gradually intensify. Over weeks or months, these feelings can evolve into a heavy blanket of despair that seems impossible to shake off. From the outsider's perspective, depression can be invisible, masked with a smile that belies the internal struggle. Many individuals suffering from depression become adept at hiding their pain, leading others to believe they are coping well when, in reality, they are battling a storm within. This invisibility can create a profound sense of isolation and misunderstanding, as those around them may not realize the depth of their suffering. Understanding depression requires a compassionate approach, acknowledging that it is a legitimate and serious mental health condition that affects countless individuals. It is essential for friends, family, and even healthcare professionals to recognize the signs and symptoms, providing support and encouragement for those who may be silently struggling. By fostering open conversations about mental health and encouraging individuals to seek help, we can work towards breaking the stigma surrounding depression and create a more supportive environment for those in need.
What we do know is that everyone has their own unique experience and definition of depression.
For me, I first started to notice a change in my sleep. I began to have repetitive nightmares that I am stuck paralysed in my bed. The world is moving around me from day to night. Shutters opening and closing, light to dark. People are around me passing by, in and out and time is disappearing. And as much as I wanted to get up and enjoy the world I couldn’t. It felt like a force weighing me down. It felt like an extreme uncontrollable feeling of hopelessness, feeling stuck and that I had little or no control over. I think looking back I almost accepted that this was my life, and this is how my life would end.
But something changed. One day just before a family holiday something clicked, and it was at that moment I realised what was holding me back, keeping me trapped.
It was my marriage. Everything started to make sense after that. I realised how I didn’t feel happy or satisfied. I had lost my identity and care for myself. I had learnt to mask my emotions smiling through depression. Otherwise known as high functioning depression, outwardly appearing happy whilst inside crying with sadness. I was always told as a child I was miserable and never smiled so as I got older I learnt to mask my feelings. Keeping everything inside.
After this pivotal moment in my life, everything seemed to shift dramatically in ways I never could have anticipated. As strange as it may sound, I found myself navigating through what could be described as the worst year of my life, yet simultaneously, one of the best years I could ever have imagined. It was a paradoxical experience filled with contrasting emotions that ultimately led to profound personal growth. I felt an exhilarating sense of freedom, a deep-seated happiness, and an overwhelming excitement about the future. For the first time in a long time, I was able to move forward with my life, embracing who I truly was and reclaiming a sense of control that had long been absent. This newfound clarity brought with it a powerful wave of self-compassion. I discovered an inner strength that propelled me to prioritize my own needs and well-being. It was as if a light had been switched on, illuminating the path to self-care and self-love. At that time, I found myself in a rather isolating situation, devoid of family support; in fact, the very family I once relied on turned against me. Their lack of support and care was palpable, and it could have easily led me down a darker path. However, what truly helped me persevere through this challenging period were a few close friends who stood by my side. Their unwavering support and understanding became my lifeline, reminding me that I was not alone in this journey. As I began to navigate the complexities of my new life, I made the decision to seek counselling, which turned out to be a transformative experience. Engaging with a professional allowed me to articulate my feelings and experiences in a safe and supportive environment. For the first time, I felt a sense of validation; I wasn’t just a victim of my circumstances but someone who had endured significant trauma that had left its mark. The acknowledgment that what I had gone through was indeed traumatic and damaging was freeing. It was a revelation that brought a sense of relief and clarity. In my counselling sessions, I was met with compassion and understanding rather than judgment. I was no longer subjected to the hurtful comments that had plagued me previously, such as the dismissive remarks questioning why I hadn’t left sooner or minimizing my experiences by stating that physical violence was the only form of abuse that mattered. Instead, I was encouraged to explore my feelings without fear of criticism, which was incredibly healing. The realisation that emotional pain is just as valid as physical pain was a significant turning point for me. I began to understand that my experiences were worthy of acknowledgment and that healing was not only possible but within reach. This journey, fraught with challenges, ultimately led me to a place of empowerment and resilience that I had never known before.
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The whole point and bottom line of what I am saying is, it’s not always straight forward, clear and easy. Sometimes we don’t know what’s pulling us down. Sometimes we do but we don’t have the answers, tools or right support. Everyone has their own battles inside of them and we really do not know what is going on unless we ask.
If you are suffering with depression, it is crucial to recognize that you are not alone in this struggle, and I would strongly encourage you to reach out for help. Talking to someone can be a vital step in your journey toward healing and understanding. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, a colleague, or a teacher whom you trust, sharing your feelings and experiences can provide relief and perspective. You might find that simply voicing your thoughts can lighten the emotional burden you carry. Additionally, consider speaking with a qualified counsellor or therapist who specializes in mental health. There are numerous trained professionals available who can offer you the support and guidance necessary to navigate through this challenging time. They can help you make sense of your feelings, develop coping strategies, and work through the underlying issues contributing to your depression. Don’t suffer in silence, as isolating yourself can often exacerbate feelings of loneliness and despair. It is equally important to be vigilant and supportive of those around you. Look out for your friends, colleagues, and family members, as they may also be facing their own struggles. A small gesture of kindness, such as a simple text message, a phone call, or even a warm smile, can go a long way in making someone feel valued and understood. When you connect with others, take the time to genuinely ask them how they are doing, and listen attentively to their responses. This means engaging in a conversation that goes beyond surface-level inquiries; show that you care and are interested in their well-being. Sometimes, just knowing that someone is there to listen can make a significant difference in a person’s life. Remember that your willingness to reach out and communicate can be the very thing that saves someone from feeling isolated and hopeless. In a world where mental health challenges are often stigmatized, your compassion and understanding can foster an environment of openness and support, encouraging others to seek help when they need it the most.
Ways to gain support:
Counselling directory
The BACP directory
Samaritans 116 123
NHS Mental Health Services
NHS 111
National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK 0800 689 5652
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