Endings can be difficult.

Catherine Teale MBACP 16/07/2025

Goodbye...and Hello...

Sometimes things come to an end and that's ok...

Endings are a natural part of life, and while they can be difficult to navigate, they are also essential for growth and transformation.

Endings can be challenging and often evoke a complex array of emotions. We might feel frustration as we grapple with the sudden changes in our lives. Disappointment may wash over us when we realise that things did not unfold as we had hoped or planned. Resentment can creep in as we question the fairness of the situation, and sadness may linger, reminding us of what we have lost. These feelings are entirely valid; they are a testament to our investment in the experiences we have had. Sometimes, these endings do not occur by our own choice or design; rather, life can intervene in unexpected ways, leading to abrupt conclusions that leave us reeling. In such instances, we might feel as if we did not deserve the ending we were handed, and that feeling of injustice can be particularly hard to bear. However, it is crucial to recognise that many aspects of life are beyond our control, and accepting this reality is the first step toward healing.

What we can do, instead of dwelling on the pain of these endings, is to use them as a catalyst for personal growth and learning. Each ending, whether anticipated or unforeseen, presents us with an opportunity to reflect on our experiences and the lessons they impart. By embracing the notion that every conclusion can lead to new beginnings, we can start to shift our perspective from one of loss to one of potential. This shift is not always easy, but it is a powerful way to reclaim our narrative.

Accepting adversity and being able to learn and grow from it is a vital skill in navigating the complexities of life. With endings that we did not want or foresee, we have the chance to engage in deep self-reflection. This process allows us to examine our feelings and thoughts, leading to greater self-awareness. It encourages us to look at alternative perspectives, helping us to understand that while we may feel hurt or abandoned, there are lessons to be learned in every situation. By focusing on what we can control, our reactions, our thoughts, and our future choices-we empower ourselves to move forward with resilience and strength.

The Challenge of Unanswered Questions

What about all those unanswered questions that swirl around in our minds, creating a whirlwind of uncertainty and doubt? These questions can be about our personal lives, the world around us, or even the mysteries of existence itself. They often linger, nagging at our consciousness, making it difficult to find peace or clarity. The human mind is naturally curious, driven to seek answers and understand the complexities of life. Yet, there are instances where we encounter questions that seem to have no clear resolution, leaving us feeling frustrated and bewildered.

The Struggle to Comprehend

How can we let go of the things we cannot understand or comprehend? This is a profound inquiry that touches on the essence of human experience. In a world filled with ambiguity, it is common to grapple with feelings of helplessness when faced with unanswered questions. We may find ourselves caught in a cycle of overthinking, replaying scenarios in our minds, and searching for explanations that may never come. This struggle can lead to anxiety and a sense of stagnation, as we become fixated on things beyond our control.

As much as we want to control our situations and destinations, sometimes we just can't. Life is inherently unpredictable, filled with unexpected twists and turns that can challenge our plans and aspirations. Despite our best efforts to meticulously plan every detail, there are factors beyond our influence that can alter the course of our journey in profound ways. Whether it’s unforeseen circumstances such as a sudden job loss, a health crisis, or even global events that reshape our environment, we often find ourselves at the mercy of forces we cannot command. This lack of control can evoke a range of emotions, from frustration and anxiety to acceptance and resilience. It forces us to confront the reality that, while we can set goals and strive towards them, the path to achieving those goals may not always unfold as we envision. Embracing this uncertainty can be a daunting task, yet it also presents an opportunity for growth and adaptation. When we learn to navigate the unpredictability of life, we cultivate flexibility and creativity in our responses to challenges. We begin to appreciate the beauty of spontaneity and the lessons that come from unexpected detours. In doing so, we discover new passions, forge deeper connections with others, and develop a richer understanding of ourselves. Ultimately, while we may not have control over every aspect of our lives, we do have the power to choose how we respond to the situations we encounter, shaping our experiences in meaningful ways.

The Art of Letting Go 

Learning to let go is a skill that requires practice and patience. It is not merely about dismissing our questions or pretending they do not exist; rather, it involves recognising their presence and choosing to release the grip they have on our emotional well-being. This process can be incredibly challenging, as it often requires us to confront our fears and insecurities. We must acknowledge that some questions may remain unanswered, and that’s perfectly okay. We can recognise and accept our emotions. Our feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged.

Embracing Acceptance

Sometimes, all we can do is just let go, breathe in, and breathe out, embracing the act of acceptance. Acceptance does not mean resignation; instead, it is an active choice to acknowledge the uncertainty of life and the limitations of our understanding. By practicing mindfulness and focusing on the present moment, we can cultivate a sense of calm amidst the chaos of unanswered questions. Taking deep breaths can serve as a grounding technique, allowing us to reconnect with our bodies and the world around us.

Moving Forward with Peace

Ultimately, accepting the unknown can lead to a profound sense of freedom. It opens up space for new perspectives and possibilities, allowing us to shift our focus from the questions we cannot answer to the experiences we can embrace. By letting go of the need for certainty, we can live more fully in the moment, appreciating the beauty and complexity of life as it unfolds. In this way, the journey of learning to let go becomes not just a means of coping, but a pathway to deeper understanding and personal growth.

In conclusion, while endings can be painful and filled with a myriad of emotions, they also hold the potential for growth and new beginnings. By embracing the lessons that come with these transitions, we can navigate our journeys with greater wisdom and a renewed sense of purpose. Life is a series of chapters, and each ending paves the way for the next exciting phase of our story.

Ending therapy and saying goodbye to clients 

"When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me I must go" Nanny Mcphee

Ending therapy can be a profoundly challenging time for many individuals, not only for you as a client but also for your counsellor, who has dedicated considerable time and emotional energy to your journey. Throughout the weeks and months of therapy, you have cultivated a relationship built on trust, vulnerability, and mutual understanding. This bond often fosters a deep connection, allowing both you and your counsellor to explore complex emotions and experiences together. When it comes time to conclude this chapter, the emotional weight of such an ending can feel overwhelming. For many, endings can evoke feelings of anxiety, sadness, or even fear, especially if they have previously experienced a negative or abrupt ending in their lives. Those who have a tendency to avoid or run away from endings may find this process particularly daunting, as it forces them to confront the reality of change and the emotions that accompany it.

However, it is essential to recognise that endings can also be positive. While it may be difficult to say goodbye, these moments can signify celebration and achievement. An ending often represents the culmination of hard work, personal growth, and the progress you have made throughout your therapeutic journey. It can be a time to reflect on the milestones you have reached and the challenges you have overcome. Moreover, endings are not merely conclusions; they pave the way for new beginnings. They open doors to fresh opportunities, new experiences, and exciting paths that lie ahead. Embracing the idea that every ending is a precursor to a new beginning can help shift the focus from loss to potential.

What has prompted me to write this post today is my recent experience of concluding my time at a residential home where I have had the pleasure of working since January 2022. Initially, I began my placement at this home, but I was fortunate enough to continue my journey there as a mental health therapist. In this role, I have had the privilege of supporting individuals living with a diverse array of mental health challenges, addiction issues, and disabilities. Each day brought new opportunities for connection, understanding, and growth, not only for my clients but also for myself.

As I prepared to say goodbye, I found it incredibly hard to part ways with my clients, many of whom I have seen nearly every week since I started. The relationships we built were meaningful and transformative, filled with moments of laughter, tears, and profound insights. There have been some truly amazing memories created during my time there, from witnessing clients at their lowest points to celebrating their remarkable achievements and progress. These experiences have left an indelible mark on my heart and have reinforced the importance of the therapeutic relationship. Saying goodbye was not just about leaving a job; it was about acknowledging the shared journey and the impact we had on each other's lives.

Although this has come to an end my journey continues as a therapist and I am thrilled to announce that I will be taking on work with another company, where I will have the opportunity to apply the skills and insights I have gained over the years. This new role promises to challenge me in fresh ways and allow me to engage with a diverse clientele, further broadening my therapeutic practice. I look forward to collaborating with new colleagues, exchanging ideas, and learning from their experiences as well. This transition is not just a change of scenery; it represents a chance to deepen my understanding of therapy and to explore innovative approaches that can enhance the well-being of others.

In addition to this new professional endeavor, I am also committed to furthering my qualifications and expertise by applying for accreditation with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). Achieving this accreditation is an important milestone in my career, as it will not only validate my skills and knowledge but also enhance my credibility as a therapist. The rigorous process of accreditation will allow me to reflect on my practice, ensuring that I adhere to the highest standards of professional ethics and competence. I am eager to embrace this challenge, as it will ultimately benefit my clients and the therapeutic community as a whole.

Creative supervision 

Moreover, I am excited to embark on training in creative supervision. This innovative approach to supervision emphasizes the integration of creativity into the therapeutic process, offering new tools and techniques that can enrich the supervision experience for both supervisors and supervisees. By engaging in this training, I aim to cultivate a more dynamic and engaging supervisory relationship, fostering an environment where creativity can flourish. This will not only enhance my own practice but also empower those I supervise to explore their creativity and develop their unique therapeutic styles.

I am poised to embrace new opportunities, pursue further qualifications, and delve into creative supervision, all of which will contribute to my growth as a mental health professional. I look forward to the challenges and successes that lie ahead, confident that each step I take will bring me closer to my ultimate goal of providing the best possible support to those in need.

Understanding the Complex Nature of Depression

17th of June 2025 By Catherine Teale MBACP Registered Counsellor

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Anybody who has suffered with depression will know just how difficult it is to pull yourself out of it. The struggle is often an overwhelming one, where the simple act of getting out of bed can feel like climbing a steep mountain. Suddenly, it isn't that easy to feel happy or to engage in the activities that once brought joy and fulfillment. Hobbies that used to spark excitement may now seem dull and uninviting, and social interactions can become daunting tasks rather than enjoyable experiences. It’s not easy to ‘just snap out of it’ or ‘cheer up,’ as these phrases often oversimplify a complex mental health condition that requires understanding and compassion.  I have also had clients question if they are depressed, sometimes not being aware that they are unwell and experiencing the symptoms of depression. This lack of awareness can be particularly troubling, as individuals may attribute their feelings of sadness or fatigue to stress, burnout, or other life circumstances, failing to recognize the deeper issue at play. Depression can manifest in various forms, such as persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, changes in appetite, and sleep disturbances, yet many people may not connect these symptoms to depression itself. Furthermore, depression can creep up over time, often starting with subtle feelings of unease or discontent that gradually intensify. Over weeks or months, these feelings can evolve into a heavy blanket of despair that seems impossible to shake off. From the outsider's perspective, depression can be invisible, masked with a smile that belies the internal struggle. Many individuals suffering from depression become adept at hiding their pain, leading others to believe they are coping well when, in reality, they are battling a storm within. This invisibility can create a profound sense of isolation and misunderstanding, as those around them may not realize the depth of their suffering. Understanding depression requires a compassionate approach, acknowledging that it is a legitimate and serious mental health condition that affects countless individuals. It is essential for friends, family, and even healthcare professionals to recognize the signs and symptoms, providing support and encouragement for those who may be silently struggling. By fostering open conversations about mental health and encouraging individuals to seek help, we can work towards breaking the stigma surrounding depression and create a more supportive environment for those in need.

What we do know is that everyone has their own unique experience and definition of depression.

For me, I first started to notice a change in my sleep. I began to have repetitive nightmares that I am stuck paralysed in my bed. The world is moving around me from day to night. Shutters opening and closing, light to dark. People are around me passing by, in and out and time is disappearing. And as much as I wanted to get up and enjoy the world I couldn’t. It felt like a force weighing me down. It felt like an extreme uncontrollable feeling of hopelessness, feeling stuck and that I had little or no control over. I think looking back I almost accepted that this was my life, and this is how my life would end.

But something changed. One day just before a family holiday something clicked, and it was at that moment I realised what was holding me back, keeping me trapped.

Smiling through depression

It was my marriage. Everything started to make sense after that. I realised how I didn’t feel happy or satisfied. I had lost my identity and care for myself. I had learnt to mask my emotions smiling through depression. Otherwise known as high functioning depression, outwardly appearing happy whilst inside crying with sadness. I was always told as a child I was miserable and never smiled so as I got older I learnt to mask my feelings. Keeping everything inside.

After this pivotal moment in my life, everything seemed to shift dramatically in ways I never could have anticipated. As strange as it may sound, I found myself navigating through what could be described as the worst year of my life, yet simultaneously, one of the best years I could ever have imagined. It was a paradoxical experience filled with contrasting emotions that ultimately led to profound personal growth. I felt an exhilarating sense of freedom, a deep-seated happiness, and an overwhelming excitement about the future. For the first time in a long time, I was able to move forward with my life, embracing who I truly was and reclaiming a sense of control that had long been absent. This newfound clarity brought with it a powerful wave of self-compassion. I discovered an inner strength that propelled me to prioritize my own needs and well-being. It was as if a light had been switched on, illuminating the path to self-care and self-love. At that time, I found myself in a rather isolating situation, devoid of family support; in fact, the very family I once relied on turned against me. Their lack of support and care was palpable, and it could have easily led me down a darker path. However, what truly helped me persevere through this challenging period were a few close friends who stood by my side. Their unwavering support and understanding became my lifeline, reminding me that I was not alone in this journey. As I began to navigate the complexities of my new life, I made the decision to seek counselling, which turned out to be a transformative experience. Engaging with a professional allowed me to articulate my feelings and experiences in a safe and supportive environment. For the first time, I felt a sense of validation; I wasn’t just a victim of my circumstances but someone who had endured significant trauma that had left its mark. The acknowledgment that what I had gone through was indeed traumatic and damaging was freeing. It was a revelation that brought a sense of relief and clarity. In my counselling sessions, I was met with compassion and understanding rather than judgment. I was no longer subjected to the hurtful comments that had plagued me previously, such as the dismissive remarks questioning why I hadn’t left sooner or minimizing my experiences by stating that physical violence was the only form of abuse that mattered. Instead, I was encouraged to explore my feelings without fear of criticism, which was incredibly healing. The realisation that emotional pain is just as valid as physical pain was a significant turning point for me. I began to understand that my experiences were worthy of acknowledgment and that healing was not only possible but within reach. This journey, fraught with challenges, ultimately led me to a place of empowerment and resilience that I had never known before.

The whole point and bottom line of what I am saying is, it’s not always straight forward, clear and easy. Sometimes we don’t know what’s pulling us down. Sometimes we do but we don’t have the answers, tools or right support. Everyone has their own battles inside of them and we really do not know what is going on unless we ask.

If you are suffering with depression, it is crucial to recognize that you are not alone in this struggle, and I would strongly encourage you to reach out for help. Talking to someone can be a vital step in your journey toward healing and understanding. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, a colleague, or a teacher whom you trust, sharing your feelings and experiences can provide relief and perspective. You might find that simply voicing your thoughts can lighten the emotional burden you carry. Additionally, consider speaking with a qualified counsellor or therapist who specializes in mental health. There are numerous trained professionals available who can offer you the support and guidance necessary to navigate through this challenging time. They can help you make sense of your feelings, develop coping strategies, and work through the underlying issues contributing to your depression. Don’t suffer in silence, as isolating yourself can often exacerbate feelings of loneliness and despair. It is equally important to be vigilant and supportive of those around you. Look out for your friends, colleagues, and family members, as they may also be facing their own struggles. A small gesture of kindness, such as a simple text message, a phone call, or even a warm smile, can go a long way in making someone feel valued and understood. When you connect with others, take the time to genuinely ask them how they are doing, and listen attentively to their responses. This means engaging in a conversation that goes beyond surface-level inquiries; show that you care and are interested in their well-being. Sometimes, just knowing that someone is there to listen can make a significant difference in a person’s life. Remember that your willingness to reach out and communicate can be the very thing that saves someone from feeling isolated and hopeless. In a world where mental health challenges are often stigmatized, your compassion and understanding can foster an environment of openness and support, encouraging others to seek help when they need it the most.

Ways to gain support:

Counselling directory

The BACP directory

Samaritans 116 123

NHS Mental Health Services

NHS 111

National Suicide Prevention Helpline UK 0800 689 5652

Emotions and Feelings exploration using colours

Coloured crystal balls used to explore emotions and feelings.

I am a creative therapist and I LOVE this tool. I find it is a great tool when working with children, young people and even some adults like this tool.

It's great for imagination and sometimes it can be difficult to verbally label a feeling or emotion, however by looking at the colours clients can find that they suddenly identify a feeling with a colour for example, red tends to be anger or embarrassment or shame. Blue tends to be sadness, depression, the ball with swirls of different colours in anxiety, stress, overwhelm and so forth you can get the idea. There are also different shades, I had one client who pointed out the dark green as "very jealous" , and then moved to the lighter green and said "slight jealousy now, but seeing that as a positive for change."

When we add in the emotion wheel this add more depth and exploration.

The other wonderful thing about this tool is that they light up and create cosy lights, sometimes it's just nice to have a focus point in the room, especially when things get difficult.

Many of my clients have commented on the lights and how cosy the room feels being able to just look at them!